We have been free to pass through, come and go as we please, back and forth, between our spaces. No fences have ever been put up, we have always welcomed one another into our space. We have encouraged visits into our space, and there have also been times when you or I have been unwelcome. But, there had been no boundary, no rules about when the land is off limits, so we were getting upset with one another for no reason. How could you have known what I didn't even know? I had no idea this would be a bad time for your arrival. I had never realized that there would be times you'd be unwelcome. The anxiety and frustration seems unnatural, so we try to let each other in. After all, there were no lines to cross, there were never any boundaries.
After years of crossing back and forth, the path has become rugged and beaten. Wildflowers still grow in the spring and thrive in the summer, but the wreckage from walking in and out of each other's land is there. The grass is matted down, it won't even grow in some spots anymore.
Instead of initiating a boundary, we continue to go back and forth, and get increasingly frustrated that neither one of use is respecting space we never established. I realize that we need a boundary - maybe not a fence, but we need to create some rules. This is terrifying, because too often boundaries are synonymous with limits. I do not want to eliminate you from my life, I don't want there to be limits on our time together, but I think we can both acknowledge we need a boundary. The most difficult task, following creating the boundary, will be not to fall in to the same trap of letting one another cross the line.Interestingly, I don't think we had the ability to create a boundary before this. Being so close, it's sometimes hard to realize that you are not me and I am not you. We have to stop treating each other's space as if it were our own. Permission needs to be asked and granted, but this is hard. As we build our boundaries together, let's remember that this will not limit our affection for one another.
Picture attribution: http://www.flickr.com/photos/skenmy/511088920/
