Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us Love Wouldn't Wait

What I understood from this chapter is I am one lucky lady to have married four years short of my expiration date, according to Crittenden. I am even more fortunate that I was even able to find a willing mate, instead of a "Peter Pan" (66). Crittenden basically states that any woman over the age of thirty has expired and should give up her childhood dream of wearing a white dress next to a tuxedo-clad dream man. This thirtysomething is likely to spend the rest of her days dating recklessly, unsure of herself and her ability to love and find a lifelong partner. Further, she shouldn't complain as she was selfish in her choice to pursue her education and career dreams in lieu getting married and knocked up.

Crittenden seems to mock the idea that woman have the ability to create their identifies in the absence of a man and children (60-61). I personally feel our identities change and grow with our experiences, and it is possible to have an assumed understanding of oneself prior to engaging in monogamy. My own identity has changed as I assume various roles and through the stories of my past and how I reframe and tell them, and live with or without them today. Yes, it is true that since I have been married some people may identify me as a wife, however that is not all that I am and I am sure that is not all my husband would want me to be. Imagine if we really lived in a world where all men expected a blank slate of a wife, a woman devoid of personality, that he could just pick up and mold into the wife and mother he considered acceptable and efficient. Some people may consider this manipulation, narcissism, and possibly a form of abuse.

Crittenden offers us an example of what's wrong with modern courtship, which she came across as an engagement announcement in the New York Times. She seems disgusted by this twenty-eight year old woman who put her career and interests first, things she probably worked hard to achieve, even going so far as calling the bride-to-be "self-centered" (62). This particular woman is self-centered, according to Crittenden, because she and boyfriend made a decision to break up as she was planning on pursuing her career in a different location. After awhile, he offered to come to her, leaving his own job, and then eventually proposed. Crittenden makes it sound as if the woman left him with no choice, as if she were the only woman alive. Crittenden also states that this woman is lucky to have found such a complacent man, an imperative trait that his fiance seemingly refused to possess.

I think this is an irresponsible inclusion as we do not know the full back story. Maybe the woman was actually devastated to leave her boyfriend, terminating their relationship, yet was offered the chance of a lifetime? What if it was more rational for him to quit his job, for example, maybe he worked as a clerk in department store and she just landed a six-figure position using her hard-earned college degree? It's also possible that she left without taking a look back, and her boyfriend realized he simply must win her back.

Basically, the moral of this chapter was that: 1). Don't wait until you're thirty to settle down, because then you are S.O.L.; 2). You can't fully form your identity without a husband and children; 3). If you want a lasting relationship, forget about your own dreams and aspirations, what you need to focus on is being "complacent" so that you may appear attractive and marriageable.