Enough

Her car was pregnant with her belongings, the sidewalk next to her passenger side door occupied the remaining bags that wouldn't fit in. She had done enough shoving and pushing for one lifetime, spent enough time trying to calculate how to make things work and fit, but it was no use. She had packed the most important items.

She sat in the driver's seat, cellphone to her ear. Did she have a place to stay for at least tonight, but even better, long enough to get it together? To find a place she could claim as hers? Could she at the very least find someone to help her get the rest of her things that littered the sidewalk, and offer to host her belongings - if not her - for the time being?

She wondered where she would take her next shower as the phone rang dead to each number she dialed. It was an early Friday afternoon, and she consoled her lonely soul by telling herself everyone was still at work. Or, just as possible was the fact they were sick of the bullshit. She promised each time it was the last time, yet she hadn't had enough when she made those empty promises and threats. This time she was sure, but feared she used up her sympathy cards.

She caught her bloodshot eye in the rear view mirror. She hoped he wouldn't pull up right now, worse yet, she hope none of the neighbors would come over and offer their assistance. She didn't need emotional support, she didn't need a referral to an organization to help her. She needed a semi-permanent place to stay while her scars healed and her bruises faded. A place she use to transition from her old life to her new life.

Defeated, she opened her car door and tried one last time to stuff the remaining bags in, desperately rearranging the items in her car that already had a place to make the soon-to-be abandoned items fit. Although they were just things, she felt for these inanimate objects. She knew what it was like to be left on the outside, to feel neglected and like a piece of garbage waiting for the Saturday morning pick up.

Her watch told her she didn't have much time. Like a child, she said goodbye to the things she had to leave behind, opened her car door, and drove. She just drove. She'd promised herself this time she had enough. That's why she packed more than she ever did all those times before. She wouldn't have a reason to come back. There was nothing left to claim in that god damned house, and she certainly wasn't going to ever reclaim her dignity in that god damned relationship.

Her phone rang, it was her mother. Tears stream down her face, her black and blue eyes hurt as the tears squeezed through.

"Mama?"