Stuck on One Perception

Today I feel defeated. I have lost to the perceptions another holds which collide with the way I see things. For a moment we can all see something one way despite there being one way to interpret. Eventually, sometimes sooner than later, our cognition combined with our emotions and experience form the onlyway to see and perceive something.

Take the optical illusion for example. I am told there are two women in the picture, and at first glance I see the young woman immediately, without a doubt. Then, once prompted to look harder and find the old woman, I see her face and there is no longer a trace of the young woman. I try and try and try, but for a long time I can't see what I originally was able to. Even when I finally force myself to shift back to the original perception, the second one remains prominent, and I am only able to find the young woman for a moment before she transforms into my new perception.

We are all like this. Most of the time everything is an illusion. Conversations we have had with someone just moments ago are repeated by one another to different people in completely different ways, based on our new perception. Sometimes I am horrifically astonished by this, by how I can remember an event that just happened so differntly from the only other person involved. What's worse is when the other person and I share a common history, a close emotional bond. I feel cheated. Maybe they do too.

Memory work begins with perception of an event. As I am in conversation, I am encoding the memory, as is the other person. Current emotions, context, and surroundings, will determine how each person will successfully - or unsuccessfully - encode the memory.

Today I have been defeated, although I don't know how or why this specific person in my life would chose to challenge our bond. I am deeply hurt, and apparently so is she. I find myself replaying our conversation over and over, but come up with the same memory. Just yesterday, moments after, she accepted this perception. Today, I suppose, the original interpretation does not serve her needs and my recollection, feelings and author-ity are sacrificed for it.